Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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