You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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