So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You took a bar mat shot.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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