My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
