Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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