I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
