Midget sex pt 2 tonight
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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