Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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