He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
