So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
