first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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