just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
