That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
