I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
