I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize