don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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