last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
