I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
