what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
