I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
