I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
