he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
