i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
