Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
