The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
