I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
