Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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