Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
