Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
