I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
