Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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