a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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