you would pick up someone in the library
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
