This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
