doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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