you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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