forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
