there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
