If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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