How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
