Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
