he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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