i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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