My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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