i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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