Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
