i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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