i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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