Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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