Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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