How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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