things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
