What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
