Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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