why do cheetos always look like penises
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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