Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Randomize
