We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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