Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
