There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
