Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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