I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
