Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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