We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Randomize
