...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
