dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
