Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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