so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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