My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
