yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
