Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
