i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
