so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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