I'm jealous of your bromance
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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