Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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