I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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